"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu
When I first thought about writing this post, I knew it may be a bit of a touchy subject, but it needed to be written. I’ve had so many discussions about relationships, my own and those of others. It just never ceases to amaze me how backwards a lot of us think. I say us because once upon a time, I thought the same bullsh*t.
You know how it goes. The “If someone wants to be with me, they gotta show me. I’m not going to do anything until they prove it to me, they are worth it” talk. The song of the brokenhearted. All wanting to be loved but not being in the frequency of love at all. I’m guilty of it as well. I used to date “down”. I’d date guys that I knew didn’t possess the qualities that I needed them to have in order to build a strong, healthy relationship. I used to tell myself that I wanted that kind of relationship but deep down inside I knew the truth. I wasn’t lovable.
I was too busy being so independent, so hard, so tough, so unemotional to allow someone to love me.
I was busy being all these things because I was afraid of being hurt. A lot of male friends that I had, I’ve seen them do some pretty dirty sh*t to women. The males in my family weren’t the best example of how to treat women. Not really having a great example of what a loving male and female relationship looks like on the subconscious level really made me avoid love or shall I say REAL LOVE.
I’ve had relationships where I thought it was LOVE. When I think about it, it was the only amount of “love” that was tolerable for me at that time. Plus being honest, if I wasn’t willing to give 100%, how the hell was I going to expect it from them? I can’t expect what I’m unwilling to give, and I didn’t. I enjoyed those relationships for what it was and moved on.
Then one day it happened. I got to a place where I was tired of the bullsh*t and I knew the bullsh*t started with me.
How can I say negative things about the opposite sex yet want a relationship with the opposite sex? How am I able to say with a straight face that I want to be loved for who I am when I really didn’t know who I was? How the hell was he supposed to know? So, I put in work. I spent 3 years solo. Now I wasn’t a nun. I still got my rocks off lol. What I didn’t do was get into another relationship that couldn’t handle all this love I had built up inside of me.
That was hard. Like have you ever been just full of love but had absolutely no where to put it? No one worthy of receiving it with good intentions and not take it for weakness. There’s a quote that says, “Vulnerability is a gift to someone you trust.” I’m paraphrasing of course but I believe that. You may be asking yourself how did I get there, how did I get to the point where I let my guards down and allowed love in?
A lot of inner alchemy had to take place!
I couldn’t bring the old me into the present. She served her purpose for who I dated back then. One thing I wasn’t going to do was enter into a new situation playing games. I’m going to be transparent. I’m going to say what I mean and mean what I say. I’m going to be authentic and if whoever is up next can’t deal with it… it’s okay. They just aren’t the one.
I was told constantly I’m too picky. My standards were too high. The funny part was, it usually came from people who settled all of their lives in relationships and in general. I didn’t care. I didn’t let up. I wasn’t obsessed with finding a mate, but I knew if I’m here on this planet, in this space and time, my other half has to be here too! See I didn’t care about eliminating people because out of the billions that inhabit the Earth, I only required one partner.
That was freeing. It liberated me so!
I worked on balancing my chakras. I became diligent with my meditation. I ate better. I lived greater. I began to create what I wanted in my life and focused solely on that. I put myself in alignment rather than in opposition to spiritual laws and hermetic principles. I loved on myself shamelessly… running candle lit bubble baths, buying myself roses and enjoying time alone with just me. It got to the point where a relationship wasn’t something I was focused on. I was too busy enjoying me and my space. I got so much value in this time and I’m grateful for it.
So when I hear people talk sh*t about love, all it conveys to me is that they never took the time to love themselves. They probably use relationships as a distraction. A mere band-aide to escape dealing with the trauma, loss, pain and emptiness they feel. They think the love they need is going to come from someone else. When I had the honor of meeting my twin flame in this life, I was already whole. My light was shinning brighter than the sun and moon combined. It drew him to me as we reflected each other’s light.
Don’t give up on love when you have yet to begin to love yourself and put yourself in alignment with the frequency of love. You gotta do this for you. Not anyone else. That is if you really want to be loved.
Okay I’m done ranting! Drop me a line below and let me know your takeaways, observations and opinions. I promise I’ll respond back personally!
~Peace, Passion & Positive Vibes~